If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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