shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
