One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
