Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
