does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm both gender and math confused
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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