I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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