you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
