Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
