you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
