My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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