hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
