I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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