Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
