She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
