a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
