i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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