DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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