listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
