You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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