just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
