my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
whose parrot is this?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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