ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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