I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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