Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
