The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
