we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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