You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
