There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
