I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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