I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
