Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
