I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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