And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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