i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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