and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
