i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
