the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
