what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
