There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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