I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
