I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
