There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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