Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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