dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
