no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
