How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
