Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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