I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
