it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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