Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
