I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
