I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
