Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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